QUESTION & ANSWER # 5

My sister has a very hard time accepting normal changes in life. Can you please give some tips on coping with change.
"Change" relates to "difference", the opposite of "sameness." People have a sort of internal time clock that lets them know when they are comfortable changing. Some are motivated to keep things the same as long as possible. Peter Pan didn’t ever want to grow up. Know anyone like that? Perhaps your sister does. Do you have a routine, favorite work tool or program? How do you feel when someone introduces a "new way" or an "upgrade" of that tool, in other words, change? How did some secretaries at IBM respond to the changeover from the typewriter to the word processor? "Sameness" is a way of avoiding what is not understood about "difference." When something is not understood, one could fail. If someone organizes his behavior around avoiding failure rather than moving toward what is possible, he will be most comfortable keeping things the same and find it difficult to accept change.
Other people’s ‘internal clock’ calls for frequent updating and therefore, "differences", in order to stay motivated. These people understand that change enhances them in some way and therefore, they embrace it. Among the normal changes in life are the movement from a dependent child to an independent adolescent and adult; and then to an interdependent adult. These occur as certain value-set conflicts are resolved at different ages. For example, a young child may wish to assert his independence by rebelling against parental wishes. This happens again in the early teens. Many independent young adults learn that they can function best when cooperating with others—a movement toward interdependence.
Change is life unfolding. It is a catalyst along the trajectory of who you are becoming. Think of fine wine and cheese. What happens as time passes? Ask your sister how she feels about "smooth" and "mellow." Then ask her regarding "change", how she feels about having "the experience of her life."